Some of these jokes ARE OFFENSIVE. If you don't want to view them, exit now.
Usually updated on Mondays
Does the size of a man's "DECK" really matter?
"The Zebra"
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Pete r, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
St. Pete r said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'
So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
God simply replied 'You are what you are.'
The zebra returned to see St. Pete r once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'
The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''
St. Pete r smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.'
The zebra asked St. Pete r, 'How do you know that for certain?'
Because,' said St. Pete r, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is.'
WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo white ass!
"The Human Body"
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
"The Nose that Knows"
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is
also the owner, hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little curious, the owner walks over to a dirty pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
"Unbelievable!" exclaimed the owner. In the kitchen, the owner tells his wife Theresa, who is also the cook, what has just happened.
A few days later the blind man returns, and the owner brings him a menu. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
In disbelief, the owner tells his wife Theresa that the next time the blind man comes in, he's going to test him. The blind returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Theresa, hurry, rub this fork on your underwear before I take it to the blind man and we'll see what he'll order."
Theresa does it and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man sits down, the owner is ready. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey, I didn't know that Theresa works here!"
Nashville Amateur Radio & Goldwing Page
Since August 1, 2008
If you plan on travelling to Pigeon Forge, TN - DO NOT STAY at the Comfort Suites on Teaster Ln. for any reason! Call me for more information at 615-746-2005.
This page was last updated on: November 8, 2009
